prince mio

This morning I woke up from the terrible nightmare and could not catch my breathe for a long time. It was about seeing the doctor and all the awful and yucky things happening to me. Sometimes all our fears find a truly mean way to come out like that. So I started to pray and was asking God to help me to overcome this. Then as I got up and went downstairs I realized how much God is giving me for every second of my life and how much blessed I am. It may be sounding normal and just like I am really saying something special. But today I have realized how much is given to me. My first thought was a question if I do deserve it all. Just there are lots of much better people who would deserve it more. But then if God has given something to me, then it is so. The hardest thing these days is that my pappa won't talk to me and won't let me hug him or say a word. There were just few things I have found out and now pappa is angry with me. But it wasn't my fault that I have appeared in wrong time and in a wrong place after all. It is enough that he is blaming me for what mamma did. I think that some people just need someone to blame as I would never even dare to think of blaming someone in such. I know that my pappa is hurting very much and I am writing him a big letter. My hand still hurts a little bit because of all the injections, so it might look a bit yucky, but then if I send it by email then pappa will definitely delete it. Also I have written a poem for my pappa which speaks of what I am feeling and I have tried to give it to him, but he just started to read it and then tore it in two parts and threw away. I did not know what to do and just walked away. How much I wish I could do something to let pappa see that I am not the enemy...

Now the power outage happened :( But still hoping to get this finished as soon as I can, just there are some happy things to tell too, like my being outside and playing in the snow... :) Through all the yucky things, I do try to smile! But afraid to be home alone in the dark... booo Let's hope electricity comes back soon! *big big hugs again*

Your a bit scared Rasmus.