prince mio

There is no greater feeling in a world than coming back home to the ones you love and miss. My life felt incomplete and empty for all the time I was unable to be here with you. It seemed to me that a piece of my heart kept missing and I could not keep things right. I want to thank you all for all of your support, for all of your letters and the pictures, all of your care, for not forgetting me and for being the very best family to me. Thank you for being there in my heart and for giving me so much strength and sureness, thank you for your prayers and your love.

I have been waiting for this moment for so long and so much has happened while I was gone. Now I am slowly coming back to life even though all of the troubles are still there, but I am slowly finding my way around them. It is so hard and yet so important to remain whole, to remain calm and to fight even when everything goes wrong and when you are being ignored. The life is so fragile and even the difficult moments must be treasured because there always comes a rainbow after the storm. :) Well, quite often, at least! ;)

I do not know how to tell of all the troubles I have been through because it would take a real while and probably it would not be interesting to read. Still I will give it a try while I can. Mamma is going to visit her friend and she wanted to take me along. I am not sure if it will happen because the weather is very windy and it is raining hard. I do not want to go out, to be honest, but mamma might have a different opinion. She told me that I can stay on-line for some time and we shall see if the weather changes. But I do not think it will change any time soon. It's been raining since I woke up this morning.

My health has been the main issue for all of this time and my parents have been fighting over it non stop. I felt miserable, scared and lost because mamma and pappa kept telling me to choose for all the time and I did not want to choose a side. So they were fighting even harder, yelling at each other and then yelling at me. Pappa was threatening mamma that he will take me away because he has ways to do so and that he will do anything to pull me away from her. Mamma told him that she will hide me and that he will never find me. Then pappa actually took me away from mamma for the few days while he had a vacation, (mamma was mad at me back then and told me that she does not want to see me any longer). I spoke to mamma back then and she told me that I may go and see how bad it is with pappa. I told mamma that I want to stay with her, but she just told me to get dressed and go. Life with pappa was as usual and he did not really yell at me, just was spending all of his time with his friends or playing tennis. I did not really mind it though I had to stay alone most of the time. I was not allowed to take long walks due to the weakness and the fear of fainting. The doctor has warned pappa that I must not walk much and that we must not misuse the fact of my getting better, even if it goes so slow. I was reading a lot and catching up with school which was fine because I adore reading, even the school books when it does not include Maths. So pappa was enjoying time with his friends and I was studying. The only thing pappa wanted from me was to eat well and to keep my mouth shut once he returns. It was not that much to do and we got on quite well. As you may very well imagine, it was impossible to keep my mouth shut! :) All was going well until pappa's friend gave us a call from Kiev and told us that mamma got to the hospital with a nervous breakdown. Pappa brought me back and was staying with me and mamma. I did not really have any normal sleep or any usual days since then. Mamma was very angry with me and kept ignoring me and telling me awful things like wishing that it would be better if I was never born at all. She kept blaming me in all the bad things that have ever happened to her and that she was looking so young and good and with all of my health problems she is only gaining more weight and that it is the reason why pappa never pays any attention to her looks and keeps dating other ladies. I have reminded mamma that I did not want to leave her and did not want to go away, but it was pointless to tell her anything and she just kept yelling at me and told pappa to live somewhere else. Pappa was staying with his friend and was visiting us from time to time. I was not allowed to see him though. Mamma did not let me use my notebook because she feared that pappa would talk to me there (and talk bad of her). She kept watching me for all the time and it was impossible because anything I would do or say would call up screaming, tears and being spanked. The worst part was my night problem which has got worse and which was driving mamma mad. But my doctor told me that I have to take things easier. Easy to say, but so hard to do… :P :(

I was trying to behave as good as I only could, but it was not really helping much. But then mamma has got another job position which was in the same place where pappa works, but just a better position. Of course, she has allowed pappa back because she needed his help and assistance and they have got friendlier and better with each other. Pappa would stop coming back home early in the morning and he would not smoke as much as he did before. But mamma did not change her attitude towards me and pappa started getting angry with me more and more. When I would drop something on my clothes or would say something incorrect, he would call me stupid and would yell at me. They kept telling to each other that I am totally impossible and of how good it would be to have a better child who would not be a walking problem with a talking parrot in one pack. There were times when I felt totally down and sad, but each time I was finding a way out of it all, thanks to your being there for me… I love you all very much and I have always kept you in my heart and have never forgotten of anyone of you. I want to thank you once again for being there for me. I am feeling terribly sorry and ashamed for being unable to let you know what I have been up to earlier, but from now on I will do my best to keep in touch and to keep everyone updated.

Thank you for creating this place, thank you for being so good, honest, sincere, wonderful, caring and a loving family for me. I love you all very much and I promise you all that I will get better to be worthy of it all! *hugs and kisses for everyone*

Now mamma is telling me that we will not go anywhere, but her friend will come and visit us, so I have to get dressed because I keep wearing pajamas now! I am sending you all of my strength, all of my care and love. I love you all very very very much!

Your always loving Rasmus.