prince mio

Here is a little update... There is so much to write and I do not even know where to begin. But first I am going to tell about my latest doctor visit. This time it went a little bit better regarding my tests, but not so good emotionally... As some of you may already know, my latest test results were very bad and I was told some not very good things. :( I am sorry for getting to share this with some of you as I know how much hard it might be just to hear of it. But I want you all to know that no matter what may happen and no matter how long my life will be from now on, I love you all and you are my family and I will be thankful to God for every second that I am allowed to spend with all of you here. I know that at times I break down to tears and just leave as I am afraid of hurting people or making someone feel sad. I am always holding on strong, but then at times the fear comes in and I am totally lost. I think that the worst is hearing from pappa and the doctors that more than half is my own fault because, as they think, "I'm not fighting enough to make the little parts of my body fight and produce immunity". But how can they know of it anyway only from the bad test results? Sigh...

Now my latest doctor's visit did not bring any news, but maybe no news is good news? They got my heart checked to see how it works, but except the heartache there was nothing else. I was suffering from the headache for almost a week long, but since I'm not allowed painkillers, there was not much that could be done about it. The visit was mostly "to prepare me for what may happen soon". I found it idiotic and told to the doctor that I do not need this kind of help. Then pappa said that I really need some help because I am "listening to the dumb music, always so sad and picking on food, staying up late, afraid of the dark, afraid of washing his head, can start crying from a book" and so on. The doctor told pappa that half is just fine, but if he insists they may put me on a medication to keep me happier. But no way in a world I will take anything. I have told the doctor about it and he gave pappa a weird look and then they both said "alright". After that I was sent away and pappa was talking to the doctor for about thirty minutes which seemed like an hour to me. I rarely get bored anyway and I kept myself all busy trying to understand what people around me were saying. There was an old lady with her husband and they kept smiling to me. I have offered few languages to choose from, but the old lady only knew German a little bit, so we spoke about my mamma and about my health. Then her husband gave me a big hug and told me that I will not die and will be ok. I started to cry and just sat there silent while the man was talking to his wife in a language I did not understand much. I nearly fell asleep, but then pappa came out along with the doctor and we had to go home. I fell asleep on a way back and woke up in my room. I must have been really exhausted!

Now I am all awake since 6am and I ate a little bit and helped pappa to fix few things in the bathroom. He is in a bad mood today, so I try my best to keep quiet and behave good. It is really nice that I did not have my night problem this time and woke up fine. I was supposed to do some homework since I'm always missing on a lot, but pappa told me that I have to wait a little bit before it is delivered.

Now he is calling me again, so I will start DC and will go and see why he is all loud again. :) Hope a little update is ok. *big hugs for everyone*

Rasmus.