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My dear family! *hugs and kisses all of you tight*

It is the moment I waited for so long and it brings the tears to my eyes as I am thinking of how long it has been since the last time I could post here or talk to anyone of you. So much has happened, so much has changed, but the love you gave me remains the same, your care and faith in me allowed me to fight and be strong. It's been the days and months full of the dark and the fear, trying to see how to live and how to cope with ...

Here comes another little update. I was going to do it much earlier, but there was a power outage and I could not be on-line. It's been like that since last night and it frightened me a lot because I was not feeling well and had to throw up for all the time which meant that I had to go to the bathroom. Pappa was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. He had a difficult day and lots of work. I was supposed to see the doctor this morning, but as I have mentioned it in my previous entry, - it did ...

I know I have been quiet lately and did not talk much at all. At times I could not, was afraid of being on-line due to the threats I have received over the couple of weeks and sometimes simply not allowed to get up. I felt myself trapped in a circle of thoughts and feelings and did not know what to feel, how to get over all the things that have been troubling me. I was getting frightened, disappointed, betrayed, was falling down, but each time getting up again and again, finding a new way to walk, ...

To post or not to post? It has been a question in my head for some time now. I can see that the last time I have posted anything was a while ago. I am a little bit sad now because I was planning to post almost daily along with my friend Lex, but it did not happen. When Lex gave me a call, we spoke for about two hours and when I have told him that I have not posted a single word, he told me that it is a wonder that I am still on-line after all the things I have experienced lately. Just like the rest ...

AN UPDATE

Nothing compares to adding another entry to my little diary. Sometimes it may be too sad, but the sadness is a part of me too and if it goes this way, then it would be not honest to hide it behind the thick cloth. I have heard a lot of people lately, telling me that I am a fake, not real and simulating my illness. Even though I've got used to hearing such things since the first time I got on-line, still it has made me quite sad to hear such comments again, especially behind ...