prince mio

My heart is truly singing today and so full of joy that I am almost crying from happiness. I have finally reached what I wanted to reach and have found a way out from what has been troubling me so much. It has already been mentioned in a previous entry. But now I can say it is solved and thank God, everything is fine again. I do not know why it always goes so hard for me when something strange is happening. I am just reacting with all of my heart and get to cry. Pappa has told me today that I will scare everyone away because I am too depressive and only talk of sickness and all the bad things happening to me. It made me think a lot, not just like "and what if?", but more like if something has to change, but then I can not help it if so much keeps happening in my life and when it goes like that. I am still able to find the light through the darkness, to fight and to hold on. I have been feeling way too guilty because of this and that and blamed myself in things I had no control over. Mamma told me that I'm too troubled and that it will pass, but I have always felt myself this way and even when I was five years old and to make a change would be to break myself down. Why? To fit something? To do the way it is required? To fit? No way! Then I would be a copy number xxxx instead of being Rasmus Gustafsson, instead of being who I am. Probably it is all boring to read, but hey!

I have been to the doctor this morning and had another blood test. The doctor has told me that I am looking a bit better, but still to short and not enough weight. Though I ate well when I woke up and mamma was happy about it. She has just returned from her office and pappa is checking my Maths homework. I got my room all tidy and did the dishes, then spent some time on DC. I went to bed really late last night because I couldn't sleep and kept thinking a lot and writing few emails. But all is being solved today and my heart feels so good... :)

But I would not be able to fight through and to be as strong without all of you, so I have to thank you all from all of my heart for this top class web site, for the hub, for all of your love and care, for remembering me and bearing with me. "Bear with me" - said the bear... :) *hugs you all tight with a bear hug* :)

I am hoping to be able to pass on my joy, warmth and care to all of you and to give you all a very big hug! I love you all very much!

Your always loving Rasmus.