prince mio

I do not know why awful things are always following each other and why when it seems that it can not get worse, there is something else that comes your way. Probably only God can answer this question... I wanted to add this entry to my blog and to tell you of a truly wonderful person I have met in my life. Unfortunately, he is not with us anymore and I can say that it might be the hardest day for my pappa since mamma's death...

This evening there was a phone call from a place of a world's current conflict and a man said that he needed to talk to my pappa as soon as possible. I have told him that pappa can not be reached at the moment and asked him if I could write down the message. Then I was told that I am too young for such news and that he will tell pappa himself. Right then I have asked the man if my pappa's friend mister Cranston can talk. Later I was sent away to my room and had to wait. I knew that something has happened and felt frightened and sad. In about ten minutes mister Cranston told me that pappa's best friend has died during the mission he had. He did not know any details or maybe just did not want to tell me. But I think that it was a heart issue or a stroke. The next thing that came to my head was my pappa and I started to cry because I knew that pappa might be all alone with the news now. This man was close to 70 and he was like a father for my pappa and his only true and best friend through all of his life. I can say that it was the best friend of our family and a person whose importance can not be put in words...

Then some time after pappa gave me a call and told me of all the news. I told him to hold on to me. Pappa was crying and was telling me that he did not know how to live and kept asking me why are all the people he had in life are leaving and then the phone went beep beep beep. So far we can not reach pappa and we are praying for him so much now. A very sad time for him and for me too.

I remember summer of 2006 when I was feeling very bad and when my immunity was at it's worst. I was given two weeks to live and could only cry and blink my eyes when I'd want to say something. No one could stay with me and pappa would find it hard to stay with me. I can only imagine what it was like for mamma and pappa. Then this man had only few hours to sleep and to rest from the flight and he came to another country to see me and he was sitting next to me for all of his free hours. He has told me: "Rasmus, what can I do to help you? I can only sit here and just cry along with you. You cry and so I can help you to cry". I will never forget these words and I am crying now as I am writing this. Also this man (sorry that I do not give out his name, but due to his work I do not think I can) would always talk to my mamma and pappa and they would stop their fighting for some time and everything would be so great and wonderful. When I was told about mamma he was the only person to give ME a call and to tell me that I am not alone. And when I would tell him earlier that I do not think I will ever feel fine and play footy and jump, run around, he would tell me that I am a Viking warrior and that I have to get better because I have mamma and pappa and still so much to give. Also he told me that I should never listen to people who say that crying is wrong and that showing how you feel is wrong and that it does not make you a man. Tears are the diamonds of soul... Thinking of this man one can say that the earth has lost one of it's heroes and mister Cranston just saw me writing this and said that heroes go to Heaven. He also told me that pappa has been calling and seemed to be more or less alright and not alone. So I can sleep calm now. Also he told me that pappa asked him how come I am never ever angry with him or anyone. I can not be angry with my pappa because I love him so much even though he may not like me very much. But it does not change anything. I may be easy to get hurt, but it never grows to anger and I am always trying to find the way out of it. But when I do get angry, then better beware... I know myself that when I'm angry then I am like a hurricane and can act cold and fast. It never really lasts long though as it is just against all what I am feeling...

Also this day had another thing happening to me which is frightening me a lot, but I do not think I can talk about it now. I'm hoping that it will be solved soon. Ooh, it may seem that nothing good is hardly happening to me, but it is not so. I am always trying to find some joy in everything and every little thing. Just the snow outside or a fact that my pappa has given me a call and all of my friends here, homework done, being able to walk without help, helping someone to find some program or a song, writing a song or a poem, eating my breakfast and not feeling sick afterwards. Maybe little joys, but they mean a lot to me. We can not force the joy as we can not force sorrows, but just without it all it would not be me.

*big hugs for all of you*

Rasmus.