prince mio

I was thinking for some time if it is right to add my message here, but then thought that it would be right to add it as a blog entry, so everyone could read it and find the answers if they have any questions. At first, I would like to apologize if I have confused anyone or made anyone feel uncomfortable the other night. I will try to do my best to explain the situation.

As some of you may know, I am going through very difficult times lately, especially the last few days. And I have tried my best to keep it in my mouth and to avoid making anyone sad or confused because you can not just tell it in few words and it does hurt to talk of some things over and over again. I have been talking to Ann (triann) online because my mailbox would not work and so I decided to go online and keep her updated as much as I could, just so she could tell the others that I will be back soon and to send my best wishes to everyone. I would never ever think of talking of all the scary things that have happened in main. I have left my notebook running and went to lie down for a little bit because I was not feeling well. And then when I came up, I saw what was happening. I was in a total shock when I have seen all of my personal news just thrown in a main chat window. And the worst was that most of them have been distorted. I do keep log file of all my private messages and I have re-read everything I have written to Ann and I honestly can not understand how some of the things came up. I want to apologize and will try my best to explain the situation and answer the questions most of you might want to ask. It is ok to ask me in private message or in email at the web site.

What has confused me the most is that it was said that how can my pappa party in London when we can not even afford the meds. I really do not know where the part about medication came up because I have told Ann that my medication ran out and that I will have it tomorrow because it was Sunday and there was no way to get it. My pappa was away and my mamma was in the hospital. I was staying with mamma’s friend and when the evening came up she told me that she can not find my meds. But there was never a single word about our being unable to afford medication. Most of it is covered because of pappa’s work and the Swedish laws which give you most medical support until you are 19 years old and what is not covered is not too expensive, but not cheap either.
And my pappa’s partying in London is true and I do not want to comment here because it is none of my business and he does what he wants. Just the fact that the birthday party was a something he did not want to miss, still aware of what happened to mamma is another thing.

Now about my mamma... I hope that you will understand me when I will avoid talking about it. She has tried to take her life away and I did not want Ann to tell anyone how it was and what did I do then. Mamma is a little bit better today, but I am still not allowed to see her. Pappa came back this morning when I was still asleep and he just left a little note for me and told me that he is going to see mamma. He was coming back shortly, but I was in the bathroom, so I did not see him. Now he is not home yet, but I hope that he will be back soon, so I get some more news. The lady I am staying with told me that pappa told her that mamma is getting better. Hope they are not trying to calm me down. And sorry everyone who had to read of what my mamma did. I feel really embarrassed and ashamed it came to the main chat window. :( Of course, it was never meant to. I did not talk in main because I was not feeling well and everything was too fresh to talk of it, if you know what I mean.

Now about my staying so late at night. Yes, I know it is making everyone angry with me. But I have to spend so much time in bed and usually have my sleep through the day after I am done with my homework and such. It’s clear that mamma does not like it when I am staying up late, but when I take my medication late, I have to wait for about an hour before it works and only then it is ok to go to bed. And there are times when I am too stressed to sleep and I am staying awake for a long time. But it may also be that I woke up to check my notebook or to pee. Ok? I did not want to make anyone confused or anything. I know how much important it is to get enough sleep and I promise to try my best to improve. :) But when you have to worry for all the time and listen if your mamma is crying or not in her room and wait for her to fall asleep first, it can be hard…

And I am 13 years old and not 12! I turned 13 on 01.01.2007 just to clear it up for those who did not know… :)

And thank you so much for your understanding. I love you all very much and I want only all the best for all of you and want to be good here. If you want to know something or have questions to ask, ask me and do not keep it in. If I do not want to answer, I will tell you so. But just thought I would write this entry.

And thank you for your words, dear Magic and Chewy, means a lot to me. *hugs you all tight*

Rasmus.