people and marriage good or bad

Even tho im young n obviously never been married,the 1 thing i wud say is dont rush into nethin with ne1,esp marriage given whats gone on before,u have to do whats best for u,n obviously as kids are involved,whats best for them as well,but make sure evrythin is right,evrythin is ok,do ur best to help urself n the girls comes to terms with what happened to their dad,and yeah,just dont do anything before you're ready and you know you and the kids are ready,as whoever you get married to(should you choose to get married again)will have to understand n accept that its a bit of a difficult situation with whats gone on before and obviously will have to accept that kids are involved-dont rush,take ur time,n make sure evrythin is how you want it to be for everyone,ur kids included,especially the mental aspect-hope u do find happiness tho regardless of what decision you choose to make in regards to marriage in the future x

Hi I've been married in the past been devorced now near five years. It seemed like a good idea at the time but i did not truely love him. If the right man came along and it was right and i had that special connection with them then i would marry again. So my advice sweetheart if you have that connection with them and it feels right to you then go for it and many blessings from me to you on what ever you decide.

Good question skit :)

I have been married twice, when my first marriage collapsed due to unforseen circumstances I stuck with it for 3 years trying to fight to keep my family unit secure - consequently I couldn't. It destroyed me to the point I then went on to marry a man I didn't really love - just because I wanted that family unit again - there again the marriage didn't work out. I choose not to disclose and discuss what went on in my relationship as they are personal to me but I had some horrific times.

After those failures in my life I did say I would never get married again or even want to be with a man in a relationship - but I grew and changed gave myself time to get over my past failures and bad judgements.

As you know I am with Magic now and we have had our bad times, our struggles like everyone else does, but we have come through them. Life will still throw crap at us to deal with - but we will deal with it TOGETHER. We communicate, talk and discuss everything, we see each others point of view and support each other.

Even though I have had two failed marriages I still believe in marriage.

Firstly, I think you have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself a few questions - what does marriage mean to you?

It means different things to everyone and also there are the legal implications of marriage too.

Are you scared of making the wrong choice and marrying the wrong man again?
Are you tarring him with the same brush as your ex's?
Have you given yourself enough time to grieve and put to bed the past relationships?
Are you being too hard on yourself?
Have you met the right person for you and your children?
Are you being HONEST with yourself and your partner?

Talk, be honest with your partner? If you or your partner find this difficult get outside assistance - Relate are very helpful and help you both learn more about each other and help you both make the right decisions.

People aren't hurt by marriage they are hurt by people - you can live with someone as if you are married - it's the concept of marriage - being with one person for the rest of their lives that scares them.

Personally, I believe marriage the ceremony is not only to join the two people legally and in the eyes of God (if you get believe in God) it is the outward celebration on how happy you both are that you have found each other (after many years of being alone or bad relationships) a new beginning - the new future - the trust and love you have in your partner, someone you have chosen and both decided you want to spend the rest of your life with. I have other feelings on marriage but they are personal to me. You have to decide yourself what it means to you.

Marriage is sacred and shouldn't be entered into lightly - thats why there are so many failed marriages.

But we shouldn't let the failed marriages deter us from our true happiness.

Skit you say you are not ready to settle down again (your last line of your post) - but you already are - you are living with a man - is that not settling down, you have made the commitment to live with him, with your children. Marriage is an extension of that with the legalities. I think you need to talk to a professional to really sort out your feelings, you have a lot of baggage, pain and hurt there and you need for your sake, your kids and your partners sake to sort out what you do want. Overall be honest with your partner - talk to him - tell him your confusion, your feelings. If he doesn't understand and walks away then he is obviously not right for you.

Talking - Communication - is the key :)

Hope this has helped you :)

Thanks chewy that has helped alot.

The last line wasn't that i was not wanting the commitment in that sense i think it was the fact that i'm still not totally dealing with thew past as well as i thought i was, it's only just turned a year now since losing someone that i thought i knew and loved only to find out i didn't really know them at all after spending the last 7 years of my life with.

I am commited in the sense that yes i am living with a man and yes there is a spark between us, he is brilliant with my girls and as totally helped me deal with the issues that have happened in the past with everything that i have had to come to terms with.

It's just been hard to think about moving on to the next level from where we are right now or just to stay where we are until we are both absolutely definite about what we both want out of life.

Yes i have had a rough time with all of my past relationships, nearly all of my previous partners were exactly the same as one another but i just tried to be optimistic about it and not tarr them with the same brush but it turned out they were just the same as one another in the end. but i am alot more happier now then what i was with anybody else in the past.

Hopefully it will be alot more differently with this one as he is nothing like any of my previous partners at all.

I'll throw my 2 pence in here for what it's worth. I have saw many people who have been in long term relationships, and I mean long term between 5 and 15 years which were happy settled and contented, bow to social conditioning and outside interference. They were made to feel as they were somehow not complete because they did not have a bit of paper between them <marriage certificate>. I think that this is a sad but frequent occurrence in our modern age and the consequences are dramatic. All to often within 6 months of entering into this "legal state" the marriage falls apart.

My philosophy is if it's not broken don't try and fix it, as it will change forever. Each person knows there own situation and every person knows within themselves what is right for them. All to often we are made to feel as though we are wrong or abnormal to the point of mindless persecution in a sense because we do not follow the time old conventions like sheep.

all flaming welcome as it's cold down here tonight lol

I think marriage is a good thing so long as you can fine the right person for you, i mean i have had bad relationships too, and i have been beaten black and blue in one of them. until i found ray (my husband ) we have been married 11 years in April and some people think we are newly weds. so marriage isn't always a bad thing

Eventhough I am single myself and was never ever truely at a point that i was deeply in love with a girl/woman, I must admit that marriage to me is mostly a piece of paper to prove that you love eachother. However like most papers nowadays it is mostly just like toilet paper. When you are done you flush it.

I honestly do not think a piece of paper and a ring make your love grow stronger. It is you and the partner involved that need to know that there is love.

However that does not mean that I am against it though. Every person has his or her own feelings towards marriage,to one it is like once upon a time...and they lived happily ever after and to some it is a true chain around their legs. Some just want to have a day to remember (and some have several like that)

But one thing is for sure, it is not marriage itself that causes problems, it is the people involved. So my tip is just follow your heart and listen to your mind and together it gives the answer you need to find.

Been married twice neither was much fun but its not marriage that is bad just the people i chose who weren't right for me. Marriage like longterm couples should be about equality and friendship all couples go through rough patches its how you deal with them that makes the difference. If i knew i was truly loved and my partner valued me as an equal and not looked down on me then i would do it again and will be doing it again soon :)

Its not marriage that is bad just the people - very true comment [NL]Foxy & Kelly :)

oooo Kelly glad you have met someone and you are happy - we wish you all the luck and love for the future hun :)

Take a look at my post http://www.chatanplay.com/arcade/adv...-marriage.html